As of now, we have been back together in a relationship for about a year and a half. Ive been dating Wes for about 6-7 months. Ive been with my boyfriend since July of 2020. Its going to make me fall out of love as he is so defensive and cannot solve the issue. It helped me calm down. Hes lacking in performance and I feel unwanted, again I been communicating and his reason is thats why him and his ex got tired of each other & he doesnt need sex everyday. But he say he is not in happy After this all, at some point he started to chnge himself. .he is older than me 5 years older and I started dating him because I thought he was mature but every time we fought he puts me down telling me Im fat, Im disgusting, no one will ever want meabout a year ago I went through something where I needed all the support I could get and he left me and didnt have my back..10 years later we have no sex and its always in excuse as to why we are not having ithe continues to call me names and everytime I tell him my true feelings it seems like he dosent care, Ive asked him if he would like to try and start all over because I would still wanna be with him and he agrees and says yes and once again we keep going like through this cycle that never ends..I just wanna be happy at this point I dont know why he dosent try a little harder but Im tired. what is the project you have to work on together . Just about two weeks ago, the cycle broke. It just seems like a cliche movie begining or something. i know i should understand his busy schedule. So i get back from fall break and i zoom him.hes acting different and grumpy and meanhe told me he was moving back to his home state and never coming backI started balling my eyes out I was so confused. If he isnt putting any effort in the beginning of the relationship then I think its time to let him go. The first 4-5 months were amazing, a classic honeymoon phase for sure. I would get so frustrated with him because I really was not asking for much, just a phone call to check on your girlfriend surely is not asking for much. The only time hes gotten me flowers was when I left him one time. Dont turn a blind eye on things that are sign showing and you are not happy for them. Nothing on either Valentines Day (was REALLY pissed the first year, this year I knew I wouldnt get anything so I didnt get him anything either) and on my birthday, he said that he had a present for me at his house, then later said he had to order it. Except for the kissing part and in my case i see him even less (once a month) but in my case he lost several family members since Ive known him so i know hes dealing with that. When he just cuts me off or just blindly follows what his mum says which is most of the time unreasonable it just makes me feel like he doesnt care too much about me, like he isnt willing to fight for me. Tonight was my last straw.. He is educated, working on a doctorate degree, employed, non smoker, drinks socially, is religious and knowledgeable about the Bible. And I get it, hes never been through the same things but I expect that. Its so annoying because Im a feminist but I just want to feel secure. I found the place, set up the lease. Xx. Hello everyone, i have a story to share! Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. I dont understand why he wouldnt make you diner when you took out all the ingredients. I wish he understood how confused and unloved this makes me feel. but i told him nah! I have 2 kids and he has 1(im 22 hes turning 23). I was still jus tholding it together because at least I have my boyfriend who will care for me for once instead of me constantly caring for others needs! Oh my God this is so me. I love him and i plan on marrying him but i dont know how to fix the lack of effort without fighting like we always do when i ask him to put in more effort. He would go as far as always try and give me hugs and he would try for me all the time and text me non stop, he would put an effort into trying to get me and he would always call me pretty and beautiful. We dont barely talk to each other. Now, he doesnt put effort. We are ok, but I still do everything, I cook everything, he never cooks for me, I clean, washing, I get the shopping, he wont even take the bins out when I ask, because of my approach apparently. He also is financially stressed and gets seasonal sadness (its winter here in Wisconsin) and I try my hardest to support his needs with it all but it drains me always having to take care of him while I get nothing in return except more expectations. However his texts are friendly, never intimate or flirty. And boom..you would be able to leave him to be single and be open for someone whod treat you just the way you deserve. He cant see his daughter now because his crazy ex wife wont let him. We get along well because we were good friends before the relationship, we have a lot in common, but spent a little time together in person before the relationship, communicating mainly online. And when we actually spent time together we always just went for a walk couple times a week or we met to have sex, we never did anything else. Maybe what they need to here is (as an example)- Im not feeling like a priority to you, and therefore what I need is for you to make dinner with me one night this week so we can reconnect.. Find a low-key, nonthreatening way to approach him. P.S. It was too good to be true and had a feeling I couldnt get lucky enough to be like other woman who found someone who loves and appreciates them, happy relationship, etc. If, for example, your boyfriend is dealing with work stress, emotional health issues or family problems then you can might want to give him some time and space. My boyfriend and I both 21 have been dating for almost 3 years and for almost 2 years he has been serving the military back home with only weekends to spare and while I am in Canada studying for almost a year. I have been with my boyfriend for one and a half years. Things had been going really well during the time we decided to get back together and I thought things were really different. However, I do know something that will help immensely. He did seem to be more engaged but yet no affection towards me. MY BOYFRIEND AN I HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER AND WE BOTH WORK. But I understand coz hes really busy at work. The truth is that there are a number of reasons that could cause your partner to check out emotionally. Its been an extremely rocky relationship but has the tendency to resolve itself. Hes now begging for me back , saying hes going to change. Wow I can relate so much to this. He then told me it was the appropriate setting to tell me I was super cute. You may find it helpful to write about your relationship. It makes me feel like 1: he now feels a connection with this woman he does not with me and that is why he feels so contemptuous towards me all the time now 2: pissed off that he KNOWS it bothers me, is not able to understand why I feel that way and simply disregards my feelings maybe even doing it on purpose?? And he knows that Im on the edge of being homeless and I know theres not much he can do. I get so exhausted and mad that I says things hurtful accidentally such as you do nothing around here! Idk if hes extremely busy or whats happening but he doesnt communicate at all with me. Im Im confused and at this point I almost miss being just friends because then he would try harder. Whereas if I was in his situation I would just leave (not during the lockdown). He doesnt pay me a visit at our house- he actually did, 3 times to be exact (there was a celebration in those times). when it comes to affection, i literally have to initiate everything. But then he keeps telling me he loves me, he cares for me, Im matter and important to him. He never compliments me, from my perspective he only tells me when Im not doing something right. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend, just the way he is right now? You dont want to overreact, but its hard when your boyfriend stops making an effort. Were both going to France in September as part of college and were going to different parts of France. Especially when fighting. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 5 months weve known each other for quite a while in the 1st couple months was wonderful we talked a lot did stuff together laugh together he started working more and didnt have as much time is energy but I noticed that hes working obsessive until he absolute collapses he makes no time for me he keeps saying I cant wait till we have time again when I get these jobs done but nothing is an emergency hes not strapped financially he doesnt have to complete these things as fast as he does I go to his house and sleep a lot of nights with him thats kind of all were doing anymore were not even having sex but if I dont sleep over he calls me and text me I miss you so much I love you so much but he wont actually put in any effort to do anything with me Im so confused about about it Ive lowered my expectations again and again and hes just been just disconnected just not really even present Its like he knows he has me and he can just put me on a shelf until he feels like paying attention to me again and its not enough for me but I love him I know he loves me I dont know why he doesnt get it that this relationship is gonna die if he doesnt keep starving it. Be careful when you hear those words. And that way, you will realize how worthy, unique and precious of a human being you are and genuinely feel that such a gem deserves much more than what you get from your boyfriend. Thats not enough for any relationship! Around my birthday time I started to notice that his effort was there mentally and physically. He said I did agree to go to the park this weekend. Were in our late 20s. He said he loved me but that he was not happy with me and that it has been a long time since he began feeling this way. David & I had a wonderful relationship, but then I noticed a change in him. I told him 3 times that this has bothered me and he has made no effort to change this. The more effort you put in, the harder it will be for you to leave. he has a 9-5 job and all he ever wanna do is go home and game after and its not that i mind but is it rlly hard to jst have dinner w me for once? We just hang out in my house. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. I was very prioritized in his life before but now he does not want to place me as high on his priority list anymore. All relationships are unique. I truely love him i said i ll forgive. His mother is mentally ill and they are recently estranged. Im afraid the only way we can turn this scenario upside down is by starting to love and care about ourselves more. he straight up ignored and didnt read them.) Somehow I always felt that he did it because of something I did. SO , I DONT KNOW BUT IM FEELING AT THE END OF MY ROPE. Of course you want him to make an effort to wine and dine you; his time, effort, and energy shows he cares about you. Youll learn how to respond when your boyfriend stops texting you. After crying and getting rid of the emotional baggage, I realize now how fortunate I am to be out of that relationship. Know your worth and dont settle for a man who doesnt act like hes got you pinned down, get a man who treats you like he cant get enough of you. dont waste your time on a man that is using you. In fact, he rejects them flat out. I been communicating with him about his lack of effort , no improvement. Recently, despite being together for 5 years, I feel like a booty call. I do want to believe its because of all his family issues that all this is happening but I am well known for making excuses for boyfriends when things arent right. I try to sit and talk about things and he rejects or belittles my input. it sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation about where you both stand. He just doesnt make an effort to ask me to do things. Thats the one thing that i really expect. Were in a fight right now because of that and what he says is for me to do things the way I used to but that way we will never be together. Now he doesnt do any of those, and I miss how it was before. Just because he's hot and cold doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you and is backing out. You see, now when you decide to leave him, its not because you dont love him, but its because you love yourself and respect yourself far more than you love him. He constantly tells me he loves me but its starting to feel less true. Another thing is when Im at his house, I help him do things as far as remodeling a business, such as painting, knocking plaster off the walls, moving very large windows, doors, fireplace mantels, etc. I waited though and suffered through almost being forced to move across the country when after he graduated and wanted a new job but couldnt find one- that was the only opportunity he had and was about to force me to uproot MY life, quit school, to go. The next year we talked again. I always drive to his and he never makes an effort to go to me. We have an 18 year age gap. He definetly isnt prioritizing me. He doesnt check up on me to see if Im okay or if I get home okay, and it just hurts me that he never wants to spend time with me when were out drinking with our friends? When he isnt at work he shuts himself in the bedroom and plays games whilst I deal with the kids. I know hes not a bad person maybe he doesnt feel the same about me anymore, or still loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I used to be patient but recently Ive been having anger issues and he knows how to handle my mood accordingly. I am not allowed upstairs in their house either, it just makes me feel uncomfortable if I go to his. Overuse of the phone, computer, social media, and video gamesalong with an unwillingness to unplug even after being askedis a big departure from the early "getting to know you" phase of your relationship when all conversations seemed interesting and all concentration was focused on your time together. surprisely right after I unblocked him he sent me a message saying hi and hows life? Ive been upset ever since and its only been a week but Im feeling really low and I have bad anxiety in general but its been worse lately because of him. Stop yourself from bombarding him with messages. Its amazing how identical to yours he is. My boyfriend made no effort for my birthday and sent me a 2 line email and when I expressed my disappointment didnt speak to me for days. years later, i went to my facebook to unblock some people in my list, including him. You may have to loosen your attachment and allow your boyfriend to withdraw or even leave. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. He has free accommodation, food, gas, sexy times, meals cooked, washing done etc. Yes leave him. So I honestly dont understand. And youll likely receive the same treatment. Im not looking for validation from him, but support. But have to understand yourself mentality first because if not you will lose yourself in the process. We decided to move in together shortly after COVID began so I worked things out with my work and moved to his state. You dont have to ask him to take care of you or pull you out of that sorrow. How much do you know about his life, family, friends and job? My brother did tell me that he may be going through some things in his personal life that he is not ready to share with me. He doesnt ask about my life and hes still working with his ex wife in a business relationship. Hes an atheist, and slowly his mocking of God and Christianity began to affect my own believes. We have complete separate paths in store and we have absolutely nothing in common and we also live together but we barely see each other so you would think that when we do have time for one another he would enjoy the time he has with me but it doesnt feel like that. Is he telling me things just to shut me up or does he blurt things out impulsively. Ugh. I said ok. He has lost interest in everything. The thing is there seemed to be no problem in our relationship, i love him and i feel like its mutual but about two weeks ago he began to claim that i was cheating on him (which Im not) and well ik its happened to him before. Sometimes even i dont get it,If im asking for too much. He was grateful but got me nothing. I dont understand the change in behavior, at all. This guy is not considerate at all and does not have your best interest at heart. I just dont feel like a priority any more. You need to recognize that youre settling for less than you deserve. I love him to death, and I know he loves me. I hate to say it maybe he did something he wasnt so suppose to and felt guilty leading him to end things. We were together 8 months. And then the other half of me cant help but feel like perhaps he just doesnt want to go on a date with me at all and thats why he never made an effort. Feel like I am too grown for him. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. he again skipped it. Id rather focus my energy on someone who can! Someone needs to get off if it cant be discussed and decisions made together to improve what doesnt work for one or the other. I am literally in the exact same position. I dont know what to do. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. He sounds lazy and you sound unhappy. But it hasnt. A relationship is 50/50. i understand with everything going on it is hard, but that was an issue with my ex-husband after we had kids. Both Christmases weve been together hes given me money with the excuse that he doesnt have time to shop. We have so much in common, yet not at the same time. Paula an emotional rollercoaster is an emotional roller coaster. I asked him if he could pick me up some tea from the shop as I was unwell. He leaves his laundry pile up on the floor, towels, dirty dishes. Any advice please? He doesnt have any plans in those days and still he can not make an effort to spend that day with me, meanwhile I have 2 birthday parties and was ready to ditch them to spend time with him. Tinder is amazing, by the way. I am insecure and scared because all my past relationships,Ive been either cheated on or dumped. Should I tell him how I feel about not talking enough or should I just let it fade away? What started as my dream sex life is now I am lucky if we do it once a month and it is usually on his terms, NOT when *I* am in the mood, planned and boring and routine. Nothing. We have amazing communication, we text all day everyday, see each other at least 1-2 days a week, we dont argue much, our sex life is greatMaybe its just because this is my only problem that it feels like a big deal? And more likely, he wont change. He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. 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